Greeting!!!
Welcome back to my media space. Its FEEL GOOD MAY when this blog is celebrating
the second anniversary. As a way of marking the second birthday, the month of
May is set aside for reflection of the two years’ journey. The first of the reflections
was on bossing our feelings when pursuing our vision and dreams, click
here to read it. Finally, this marks the fifty first article. Put
it into context, at least two article every forty night. This is awesomely good!
In the last two years I’ve avoided talking about my personal affairs unless it
was personification for the purposes of bring clarity in my writing. I did
understand that doing so would not leave me vulnerable in the blog-sphere and so
expect what I was on the public domain, I completely ignored other information
that was unnecessary.
SINGLE-HOOD AND FRUSTRATIONS
But
wait, two years later, with a number of articles that were received well on my
views of perfect romantic relationships, I am still single and to some extent
am beginning to trace some sense of ‘frustration”. I have spent the entire of
my 20* years being single minus a short stint relating with a lady which am not
sure if
we had agreed to relate. Take another context; I’ve gone through 3
years in college and 1 year Post College without hooking up with a lady. During
those last four years it is when there is some urgency,
pressure and a deep desire to search and find completion in someone else and
also in ourselves. For that reason, it’s during this period of being single,
that you oscillate between being perfectly hopelessly romantically unattached to
happily single individual. At times you are tempted and stirred to awaken love
and other times you are torn between your freedoms, anxieties and doubts. Times
you are confident and enjoying your single hood but at the same frustrated its not and
might never work for you - romantic relationship. And so you struggle between what’s familiar in single hood including your pride, control, priorities and greed with hesitation
to embrace romance as an option that starves fear, pride and greed.
Read
also: Why
I will marry a woman who loves solitude
Being
single when you are approaching your mid-twenties in this generation where no
one wants to be “alone” is quite a challenging task especially when you are required
to explain your single hood status. I mean when you are with your peers who
settled on a lady and they are either married or about to get married, you just
wonder, are you becoming a bit choosy or not strategically positioned to
interact with potentially good and fair ladies? And so the easiest route and advice
these friends give you is “go easier on the ladies” you are not strong and
capable on your own though you are want to be independent. At such times it
dawns on you that the excitement you had on romantic relationships is beginning
to fade as you interact with guys with different viewpoints of true and authentic
romantic relationships.
DISTORTED IMAGE OF LOVE AND ROMANCE
Take
this example, a couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with Jane* in her
desk. Jane is a colleague who is probably two years younger than me. She is
unmarried but has had four men in her life with whom two they have been
sexually active. The current boyfriend works a bit far from where she lives and
occasionally visits to spend “few nights” with her in Jane’s house. She then
tells me that when her boyfriend spends more than a week in her house, she
requests him to leave, Reason? Who wants to be someone’s wife anymore? You see
dear readers, Jane thinks and believes that women are no longer able to live full time in the same house with a man, no wonder she cannot let him stay for more
than a week. And she’s honest, she believes she can’t. She’s just a representative
of many others like her whom the distortions of the truth regarding romantic
relations have tendencies to frustrate our picture of what is romance in the
picture of a lifelong commitment in the context to marriage.
Related:
Created
in Eden, Learnt out of Eden
The
problem with this twisted truth about marriage is that it hurts the image of singleness as hub of vanity
freedoms, security, safety and control. While true that singleness is a
period when a person has full control of their own schedules, control and finances,
singleness is also the greatest killer of strengths that exists in true love. Clinging
on to single-hood threatens our abilities to grasp the beauty of being under the
shadow of someone who cares for us to bring perfection for us. On one hand, the
reluctance is refueled by lack trust and our unlearning of childhood education
to keep off girls and boys.
CONCLUSION
In
my deep frustrations of viewing myself as having being left behind, I have
learnt to stare longer over the ocean waves and the expansive skies and deep darkness
listening to their magic to understand the work of God being made manifest
through them. In the uncertainty, when I just watch the anonymity of directions
of the waves and I know the solution of my frustrations is not just in finding a spouse
because I must be like my peers but to understand the perfect timing of seasons
in life. I must alternate my swinging desires and excitement about
romance with silence of expectation of better days and faithfulness during this
season of being single. The last words I would cling to rather than my single-hood or romance is in the story of John Kavanaugh in a book Ruthless Trust by Brennan
Manning. The brilliant ethicist John set out on journey to Calcutta city
with the intent of finding “the best way to spend his remaining life”.
On
the first morning he met with Mother Teresa she requested her to pray for him
and when he was asked what he wanted the Nun to pray for her he said, “Pray
that I may have clarity”. Mother Teresa declined to honor his prayer request
and asked why, Mother Teresa answered, “Clarity
is the last thing you are clinging to and you must let go of”. For me that
is a perfect answer to my search for a perfect and beautiful life. If I am
searching to have clarity on whether I still want to love I must first let go
of that desire and look beyond my trust and will and let it be. This will lift
the heavy burden of finding endless answers in a painful process instead I should
invest my efforts and heart on having the freedom to love and live fully. The summary
of this as Brennan puts it is that there is a certain beauty that has learnt to
trust eternally and that in all circumstance has no capacity to say, “note mine
will, but God’s will”. This process requires raw honesty, authenticity
and gratitude where we can maturely express our stale faith, sense to belong
and doubts without being overwhelmed of the pleasures and pains that we are
inflicted from the external world. We are able to progress from in obedience to
our calling without ever complaining of our inadequacies of not having or
having a romantic partner.
Have a
reflective life. Remember to stay in touch with me at jeremiahwakamu@gmail.com or on Facebook Jeremiaho Wakamu
to keep this discussion going. And again referrals though you social media
network/connection and word of mouth is the best you can do for this blog.
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