Options in Singleness

Singleness has never been an easy season for any person. It’s the time people will spend countless hours praying for their significant other. And if you are of faith, it’s the moment you realize that the pain of singleness can test your faith as an eighteen years old just as it will test you as you speed towards mid-twenties and finally approach thirties. Deep within, the unmarried souls lay the desire to finding someone that will love us but love God more.  And for the Ladies that is the Man that they will willingly and joyfully submit to. And for the Men, the desire is to have someone who will love God and submit to them. And the point is, a young person is unwilling to settle for less than what they best desire and is convinced that they should have.  Apparently we thus wait sometimes with confidence and expectation that something better will come our way at the best time but not without sometimes doubting that the life clock is ticking away. For this reason we tend to think it’s really a long and sometimes really long season where we strongly resist go through. We would choose not to experience it if we had a chance. It’s not really easy to go through this season. Greetings! Welcome back to my media space, hoping you well. Today’s reflections revolve around singleness, with particular reference as to why this season is not a punishment and having realistic expectations of the spouse that we desire.

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Sometimes I just really hate the thought of being single I mean how do you just survive it and get through it. But I dread even more the thought of being in love. It has certainly been a journey and a tough balance of attitude between the two kinds of life. While I see the benefits of singleness as a period of refinement and strengthening I certainly see its limitations. And thus I just wish I could push it through faster and get married. The point is, in singleness, you tend to feel lonely, less than and therefore inadequate. While these are lies, we feel that these lies are what were are and meant to be. This sometimes makes us think that this period has no benefit for us and does not help us to become any better. Therefore, in singleness we feel at times ashamed of who we are and what we are capable of being. From pressures from our parents, ministry and friends, we succumb and want to compromise. Mind you the world does not treat singles as people who belong. There are always expectations that beyond a certain age we must have done this or that. For goodness sake, note dear friend, if you are single let it sink in your soul, that in your singleness you are just a complete and equipped as married or engaged but again you are as vulnerable as they are.

Choices when Single

Matters are even more complicated by the thought that singleness is hurting you rather than developing you to be a man or woman with aligned motivations and expectations in marriage and romantic relationships. Frankly speaking when you are single it’s much easier to think that you have few options in life while you in fact have more. The choice of the options that you have entirely is left up to you and depending on what your priorities are then it’s easier to go through life. When deciding you want to break from singleness and become engaged, it’s critical that you evaluation of whether you want to be vulnerable to abuse, hurt and disappointed but it’s also experience a moment of learning to love, be loved, have people we can share our dreams and aspirations with. It’s a time to consider having people who you can frankly tell your fears and weaknesses without being worried that they will fail us. That moment that you are out in a city hotel or eatery and you see their face on the other side of your coffee it dawns on you that “Hey, you are you sure, this is her?”, “Will be enough for her?” And at that moment, tears starts to roll down your cheeks only hoping they won’t notice them, for once you realize you’ve started to fall in love. You start giving in; you really want to say it aloud but wonder whether your partner will consider this as genuine? Only God knows, when you are courageous you speak your heart and wait for their response and when you are timid, you want to go home and wish it away and keep the feelings hoping they will subsidize but then it’s more hurting. That’s the moment I realized how tough breaking from singleness is hard true story and only my heart knows that the struggle is real.

Probably the anxiety is much intensified by waiting on a perfect husband or wife or having unrealistic expectations. You rise up, stay alert in case your significant other shows up but anxiety is also sitting next to you and you keep wondering if today or this moment he will show up. You get stressed as you miss to see them. My dear friends, there is absolutely nothing wrong by us desiring for a soul mate. It’s because we are normal and thus desire companionship. Trust me, our only outdoing during singleness season is sitting down and doing nothing in preparing for the next phase of life. God knows that we desire a husband and for me a wife and of course he knows the exact moment that it should happen. At the right season, whether now or in the future I will move from my status to a new season of marriage or singleness. Meanwhile, I also appreciate it may not work for me (Oh, No Why do I think about this?) and so I keep my head on and keep hoping whatever the case, my heart desires to love, care and be kind to a noble lady.

Earnestly Waiting 

My entire body will ache with earnest expectation of giving in and loving despite the resistance of my soul but nevertheless I know possibly or possibly not that’s my destiny. It may be hard to wait any more and for your information the waiting gets harder the older you become and the temptation to settle gets even greater but why should I not hang on? Why should you not? It’s much worse since the temptation to orchestrate and manipulate things our way gets worse but we must run back to our inner self every time and say there is even more need to wait. I know the other side may be greener but I appreciate this side has more to learn and gain from. Meanwhile I will continue in laughter and write my wife to sweet love poems and stories in this media space. For indeed I would rather tell her that I love her albeit her not sure who she is than wait in her death bed to do it.

Read also: The Girl I’ll propose to

My Love Letter

For once I must let her know that I’ll not be getting married to her to be hero, nope. Dear lady, I won’t try to be one to you. Your father was and if he didn’t I’m sorry. I want to assure you that I want to be a hero to our sons and daughters that God will richly bless us. I’ll rescue them from the pawns of the ungrateful world by teaching them to fight on their own, to be noble men, to obey authority and to earn a living from their hard work and sweat. I’ll provide to them, I will read them bedtime stories, I’ll take them where dad works and spending a day with them in my desk when they are 8, I’ll help them with school work and more so I’ll teach them to respect you. For you, I want you to boost my ego, to enrich my strengths and reassure me of handsomeness, talent and cover my weaknesses. Promise to shield me from ungrateful world, praise me among other women and men. I in turn promise I’ll take care of, I’ll shower you will love, I will crown you before men and will not spare a coin or energy to let you feel you are the queen who deserves the best.

Tips On How To Develop Self-Confidence

Greeting!!! Hoping y’all doing well, it’s time to pick up on self-confidence topic and explore it further. Of course not everyone is born with an inbuilt sense of self confidence. And the thing is, sometimes it’s hard to develop self-confidence because of personal experiences that have taken toll on you or generally suffer from low self-esteem.  On a side note, I actually thought will not write again on this media space, and probably that explains why it took two weeks to complete this topic. But the fire to write was really burning and though I refrained, it became apparent this I would never light a candle and hide it under the bed. And here we are, this blog shares a couple of personal handy things you can engage with to build your self-confidence. In the most general terms, they are little changes to your attitudes, framing of the minds and dropping some habits.

Give a careful thinking of things you’re good at

Always be careful to remember that everyone has their talents and strengths including you. So develop your own fact sheet and work out the best way to build on your strengths and talents. When you recognize things that you are good at and building on them it provides a good opportunity to build your confidence around your abilities and strengths.

Gain inspiration from what you’ve already achieved

It’s often easier to focus on what you haven’t done than what you’ve already accomplished and this has a tendency of letting you feel as if you aren’t any better and you have achieved nothing. To alleviate the risks of losing self-confidence, focus on things you have done either small or big so that you can gain insight and perspective on your abilities and talents. Take some time to write down a list of all the things you have done and are proud to have accomplished in your life that could include learning to ride a bike, getting good marks and add up to it every little thing you achieve and are proud of. Anytime you feel you are low in confidence pull out the list and remind yourself all those awesome stuff you’ve done.

Talk yourself up

When you have negative commentary that is running through your mind, you will never feel any good. Self-talk that is negative has a tendency of affecting your self-confidence. Do not get stuck listening to negative thoughts that are self-defeating and limiting because you always listen when you speak.  Lisa M. Hayes says that when a person have positive thoughts about how they will nail a project because they are proud of themselves, this message sinks into their heart and are more willing to cat on unseen opportunity and ultimately their success. Message you send to your brain and heart repeatedly reflect our own ability to achieve success.

Get a hobby

Chances are what you are interested and passionate about creates some certain creativity and hence you are more likely to succeed in them. When you involve in a hobby, you stop acting like someone else, since you understand other people’s past, history and biology are different and hence there is no way you will know about what they portray to the world. Do not exhaust your energies in trying to be or do something you are not as you will spend every day of your life fighting out battles that you will never win and hence will erode tout self-confidence. When you enjoy your own hobby, you’ll not seek attention and comparisons that sets in a direct line for feelings of guilty and failure. In your hobby, exercise and fight things up till you make it to the end.

Last Saturday I was hanging out with incredibly ambitious friends from my undergraduate class. So after a series of up and down in the city, we finally settled down to take lunch together in a popular eatery. And so, we were catching up as we took our meals and drinks. The juicy part for this post was actually when we were making fun about what we were up to since campus. We all graduated with a Business IT course degrees but it was funny I was in writing, one friend has opted for music and the other friend had opted for network marketing. Close inspect that, our activities now were never our major in campus. We laughed and joked about it. Honestly how do you explain that shift in career and heart? It was nice listening to one of the friends confess how he had handed down his resignation letter to pursue his heart yet he did not know where he was starting. But finally he’s doing well, the other guy had decided also pursue his first love and didn’t care he was getting less than his peers. That all took more self-confidence than you think; they had amazing heroic stories of confidence and courage and we took more time than we had initially planned. Dropping what you know for unknown that you are burnt up with zeal to achieve.

Last night I was also thinking am having a bloated ego, you know why? When I visit people’s house I usually demand that if they must offer me a piece of “chicken’s heart” I just decline politely (HAHA). And for your information, I’m a Kenyan African where a chicken is considered a good meal. But no, thanks never interested in a chicken’s heart, I would rather take a fish especially the head part. This is particularly when the head has eyes that are un-removed and start with them. Chickens are known cowards and I’m never that kind who fears. I would rather control my ego than deal with low self-esteem (Lol).