Created in Eden Learnt out of Eden

Relationships and marriages are challenging. It’s really hard to believe people’s ideas on what romantic relationships and marriages are. Everyone have their own definition of what a perfect one is. For some, it’s having a perfect mate who they can click on everything – the proverbial lock and key sort of.

We however live in an imperfect world where even the best relationships become tested, pulled, stretched and strained by life’s circumstances.

And at the core of these moments of frustration, disappointment and even anger when they are tested, rest the desire for our chosen partner in life to be perfect.  The need for perfection mainly stems from our desire to fulfill the dream of a young lady and man about what true love is. This idea of a perfect relationship may be far from the truth and a hard truth to accept.

Hallmark cards, romantic comedies, poems and quotes, love songs, romance novels, parental influence or societal conventions stress this idealistic view of relationships as being perfect.

The unfortunate reality is that there is no such thing as the “perfect mate.”  We are human and as humans we are messy, complicated and fallen creatures.  In Genesis, Adam and Eve introduced sin into the world.  We do not inherent their sin but we remain flawed in our sinful flesh.  Any notion of perfection is the deception conceived by our mind into believing in a reality that does not exist.

Soul mates are the imperfection of two spirits made perfect in the union of love. People have shortcomings.

 

More so, what we forget is the simple biblical truth that what we know marriage and romantic relationships is limited. The true mirror of what it is supposed to be is what we lack. God introduces marriage in Eden but I can say if too unfortunate, he sends Adam and Eve away from the garden of the Lord when they sin. Given this circumstances, most of what we learn about it is actually when humans are out of Eden where there was perfection. People learn to live together in an imperfect world. They learn to relate while there is pain, suffering, and have to work and when they have a definition of good and bad. It’s not precise how long the first beings stayed in Eden and get instructions from God as he visited them in the cool of the day, but I guess perhaps by the time they left Eden, they had just enough ideas of how to rear children but no experience.  It’s actually learnt when man is away from God and he has to constantly look onto God for direction.

Marriage has been learnt in a world when everyone seeks the best for themselves. Because of our sinful nature, there is pride, deception and lust and in all these we hope to find the beauty of marriage. The confusion goes on.

Marriage having to be learnt out of Eden should not however limit and hinder our view of marriage and family as an institution that is real and important. It should work. Indeed the Lord does not withhold anything good to them that he loves and he has given us everything we need for our salvation. The reveled things are to us our benefit and the concealed things the delight of the King of Glory. We need not complain that the reason why it’s not working is because God does not love us and has not given us sufficient reasons and ways it should work. This is his only privilege to let it be a mystery. We cannot summon God to explain it.

God knows the only relationship of perfect love we could understand is marriage and so uses this example to mirror the relationship that Jesus has with the church- his own body. I would ask if this is what we can understand why we should not even make it radiant by praying and seeking to make love evident in how we treat each other in romantic relationships.

Our deliberate focus on our partner’s beauty, generosity, compassion, and spiritual faith, strength of character, forgiveness, nurturing spirit, motherly/fatherly love, and honesty should all transform our way of seeing each other on daily basis. There will be frustrating behaviours with your partner but this confirm that we are not perfect beings. The behaviours are as a result of imperfections. Instead of just pointing fingers to our patners and blaming them for all the bad they are, seek to love them and make them better bring out perfection in them. Be committed to make them make up for the areas that do not come up too well.

The lesson we should learn is that imperfection should not weaken true love, undermine healthy relationships and prohibit life-long marriages that continue to thrive year after year.  The foundation of all relationships needs to be God and Jesus Christ.  A marriage rooted in Biblical Principles is still a union of two imperfect characters but it is made perfect by having faith in God.

The kingdom principle of love requires that we choose to reach out and yield ourselves and our resources to the needs of others whether we feel good about it or not. Demand for privileges and the pressure to claim and cling to our rights ceases.

Do not focus on your own perfection because you have your own weaknesses. But ask what you can do to make your marriage become better. But also focus more on God because unless he becomes our priority, everything else will be confused. If God does not build a house, it’s all in vain for the builders and if the Lord does not watch over a city the watchmen stay awake for nothing in the night.

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