How to live positively after disappointments

Greetings!!! Welcome back to my media space! This is the last article am writing when this blog is celebrating it's second anniversary, I hope you’ve enjoyed the other articles too, click here to read them. This is part of my journaling because I’ve discovered a review of activities you have done makes you stay in touch with what exactly you want, where you are going and sometimes is an important indicator of certain relationships, dreams and things that you have to let go so that you can spend more time and efforts focusing on new possibilities. On your birthdays, anniversary and holidays, having a review is always exceptionally poignant in starting a new chapter because you get more aware of what you missed in the last season and what you need to do in this season to be successful. It helps you live positively after disappointments on your dreams.

Reflections From National Holidays

Kenyans will be celebrating Madaraka Day as a reflection of an independence war that happened long ago. The same has happened to Americans where over the weekend they celebrated the Memorial Day. In both countries patriotic citizens will be reflecting on wars and celebrate the efforts of the earlier generations. The bottom line is that, in both countries, we are setting aside a time to show our gratitude to heroes and heroines who sacrificed their own lives for the sake of liberties that we enjoy. Of course being a Christian and a Patriotic Kenyan especially, am thankful for the heroes who paid the freedom I enjoy today with their own blood.'

I think there hardest part being a Christian, ambitious and patriotic Kenyan is celebrating anything that has been won through a war. There are always some inconsistences that one will always have to be faced with. I mean just think about it, Jesus seems to have settled it on the Sermon on the Mount when he stated, turn the other cheek or love your enemies. In as much as this world wants us to believe that when we get lemons we ought to make some lemonade, it very tricky to remain peaceful when you have been tossed on every side by physical, psychological, and financial violence when we are going through this life. At such times, the simplest option we are all prone to is become angry, resent and of course want to revenge, complain and quit. That’s the easiest route that anyone can taking. You really don’t have to make more efforts to make a decision to return evil for evil that has been done to you, to blame others when things have not worked for you or walk away from your offices when you’ve been unfairly treated by an unjust manager.

Entitled to be Angry and Disappointed

And honestly speaking we are entitled to being angry and responding to our disappointments in a negative way. Think about it, a few months back, my friend and I were building a social web application; the idea seemed so awesome, creative, mature, and innovative and name it. It was just nice to say the least. We roll it out, it gains massive membership but unfortunately we got disappointed when the website come tumbling down due to technical issues that we have not anticipated. It was none of our error in the first place and therefore we had every reason to complain, abandon the idea or rejoice over it because we knew where it had gone wrong. We chose the latter. As I write this we are still finding a way to fix this issue. This is life! We get what we choose to imagine from the circumstances we go through in life.

Related: Power of Simple Conversations

 

Confrontation Leads to Despair

The worse, response that you can embrace when you are in a state of confrontation in this world is being intentionally combative, rude, cruel and bitter. Its true friends that you will be faced with battles that is outside the parameters that any consider as just to fight in, and the world will cheer violence and injustice to your dreams and vision, however just don’t be quick to despair. This is because becoming confrontational exposes you to being defensive and this hurts even the more your feelings than the real harm that the eventuality had caused on you. Take a deep breath, say to your heart, “it is well with my heart” and brace yourself to fight for another day. When you think it’s all over visualize peace, make effort to remain calm and surely even when there are sounds of rattling swords, bombs bursting in the air or firing guns, you will find safety and confidence in your own dreams and vision.

Read also: You are more precious to keep on Worrying

Live Positively

When you feel defeated in you world and are considering engaging in conflicts to save your image, and dignity always be careful and consider that option as a last resort. Dear friend, refrain and restrain from engaging in activities that will undermine your character and compromise your position. Instead be careful to negotiate your way and surely no one will stand your innovation. Embrace positivity from the disappointment. My own philosophy has always been that whenever that an idea that has come to maturity will always have its way. Sometimes people may be a little bit unfair to it but definitely it’s not long before they agree to it.

Expectations and Realities

This life will always present to us huge Gaps between our expectations and reality. And as human beings, facing reality isn’t so easy; most often wen wish we could avoid cause it may be somehow unbearable. The point is you need to have the courage to affirm you values, attitudes and faith while you acknowledge your vulnerabilities that you are exposed to. You need serenity when you think you are not lucky enough on this occasion or you are disappointed you did not have the capacity, skill and talent to push forward you agenda. The disappointments and frustration in life, ought to open up alternative realities for us so as to view new possibilities to things we have all together ignored and often such realities are for our nourishment.

Outcomes meant for your JOY and NOT MISERY

Disappoints are real in this life, but think of Amrit Desai, an Indian Guru who is said to have had a huge collection of extremely rare crystals which he had accumulated for many years. One day a lady cleaning his house accidently knocked the display case where the crystals had been housed sadly smashing the irreplaceable crystals. The lady was fearful of her error and pointing out her mistake to the guru expecting a violent response, Desai told her, “Those crystals were for my joy not for my misery”. What a turn around? If only you considered and accepted your frustrations and disappointments as reasons for your joy instead of taking them as reasons for your misery. Think about it, if you only hoped that your wildest of dreams will come true and only spent all your efforts discussing, imagining, dreaming and enjoying your best expectation of the outcome. When your desires and promises do not happen, you are certainly permitted to be disappointed but not for long to hinder your ability to see with certainty that there’s a good life after. Martha Beck says that “The fact that you are still alive means there is still too much that have happened to you than has gone wrong so far”. Don’t fear to stand, dust up and move on.

Conclusion

Just think about your greatest triumphs and disappointments over a dinner table with your family and friends, share this conversation with them. Celebrate with them and cheer up. There are better things coming up soon. Let go of those disappointments, begin to create and discover new dreams and exciting ways to start a new life. Have a reflective life. Remember to stay in touch with me at jeremiahwakamu@gmail.com or on Facebook Jeremiaho Wakamu to keep this discussion going. And again referrals though you social media network/connection and word of mouth is the best you can do for this blog.

How To Deal with Singlehood Frustrations

Greeting!!! Welcome back to my media space. Its FEEL GOOD MAY when this blog is celebrating the second anniversary. As a way of marking the second birthday, the month of May is set aside for reflection of the two years’ journey. The first of the reflections was on bossing our feelings when pursuing our vision and dreams, click here to read it. Finally, this marks the fifty first article. Put it into context, at least two article every forty night. This is awesomely good! In the last two years I’ve avoided talking about my personal affairs unless it was personification for the purposes of bring clarity in my writing. I did understand that doing so would not leave me vulnerable in the blog-sphere and so expect what I was on the public domain, I completely ignored other information that was unnecessary.

SINGLE-HOOD AND FRUSTRATIONS

But wait, two years later, with a number of articles that were received well on my views of perfect romantic relationships, I am still single and to some extent am beginning to trace some sense of ‘frustration”. I have spent the entire of my 20* years being single minus a short stint relating with a lady which am not sure if we had agreed to relate. Take another context; I’ve gone through 3 years in college and 1 year Post College without hooking up with a lady. During those last four years it is when there is some urgency, pressure and a deep desire to search and find completion in someone else and also in ourselves. For that reason, it’s during this period of being single, that you oscillate between being perfectly hopelessly romantically unattached to happily single individual. At times you are tempted and stirred to awaken love and other times you are torn between your freedoms, anxieties and doubts. Times you are confident and enjoying your single hood but at the same frustrated its not and might never work for you - romantic relationship. And so you struggle between what’s familiar in single hood including your pride, control, priorities and greed with hesitation to embrace romance as an option that starves fear, pride and greed.

Read also: Why I will marry a woman who loves solitude

Being single when you are approaching your mid-twenties in this generation where no one wants to be “alone” is quite a challenging task especially when you are required to explain your single hood status. I mean when you are with your peers who settled on a lady and they are either married or about to get married, you just wonder, are you becoming a bit choosy or not strategically positioned to interact with potentially good and fair ladies? And so the easiest route and advice these friends give you is “go easier on the ladies” you are not strong and capable on your own though you are want to be independent. At such times it dawns on you that the excitement you had on romantic relationships is beginning to fade as you interact with guys with different viewpoints of true and authentic romantic relationships.

DISTORTED IMAGE OF LOVE AND ROMANCE

Take this example, a couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with Jane* in her desk. Jane is a colleague who is probably two years younger than me. She is unmarried but has had four men in her life with whom two they have been sexually active. The current boyfriend works a bit far from where she lives and occasionally visits to spend “few nights” with her in Jane’s house. She then tells me that when her boyfriend spends more than a week in her house, she requests him to leave, Reason? Who wants to be someone’s wife anymore? You see dear readers, Jane thinks and believes that women are no longer able to live full time in the same house with a man, no wonder she cannot let him stay for more than a week. And she’s honest, she believes she can’t. She’s just a representative of many others like her whom the distortions of the truth regarding romantic relations have tendencies to frustrate our picture of what is romance in the picture of a lifelong commitment in the context to marriage.

Related: Created in Eden, Learnt out of Eden

The problem with this twisted truth about marriage is that it hurts the image of singleness as hub of vanity freedoms, security, safety and control. While true that singleness is a period when a person has full control of their own schedules, control and finances, singleness is also the greatest killer of strengths that exists in true love. Clinging on to single-hood threatens our abilities to grasp the beauty of being under the shadow of someone who cares for us to bring perfection for us. On one hand, the reluctance is refueled by lack trust and our unlearning of childhood education to keep off girls and boys.

CONCLUSION

In my deep frustrations of viewing myself as having being left behind, I have learnt to stare longer over the ocean waves and the expansive skies and deep darkness listening to their magic to understand the work of God being made manifest through them. In the uncertainty, when I just watch the anonymity of directions of the waves and I know the solution of my frustrations is not just in finding a spouse because I must be like my peers but to understand the perfect timing of seasons in life. I must alternate my swinging desires and excitement about romance with silence of expectation of better days and faithfulness during this season of being single. The last words I would cling to rather than my single-hood or romance is in the story of John Kavanaugh in a book Ruthless Trust by Brennan Manning. The brilliant ethicist John set out on journey to Calcutta city with the intent of finding “the best way to spend his remaining life”.

On the first morning he met with Mother Teresa she requested her to pray for him and when he was asked what he wanted the Nun to pray for her he said, “Pray that I may have clarity”. Mother Teresa declined to honor his prayer request and asked why, Mother Teresa answered, “Clarity is the last thing you are clinging to and you must let go of”. For me that is a perfect answer to my search for a perfect and beautiful life. If I am searching to have clarity on whether I still want to love I must first let go of that desire and look beyond my trust and will and let it be. This will lift the heavy burden of finding endless answers in a painful process instead I should invest my efforts and heart on having the freedom to love and live fully. The summary of this as Brennan puts it is that there is a certain beauty that has learnt to trust eternally and that in all circumstance has no capacity to say, “note mine will, but God’s will”. This process requires raw honesty, authenticity and gratitude where we can maturely express our stale faith, sense to belong and doubts without being overwhelmed of the pleasures and pains that we are inflicted from the external world. We are able to progress from in obedience to our calling without ever complaining of our inadequacies of not having or having a romantic partner.

Read Articles: My entrepreneurial wife

                        The Girl I’ll propose to

Have a reflective life. Remember to stay in touch with me at jeremiahwakamu@gmail.com or on Facebook Jeremiaho Wakamu to keep this discussion going. And again referrals though you social media network/connection and word of mouth is the best you can do for this blog.