Are You Still Looking to be Validated?

Greetings!!! Welcome back to my media space. April is already with us. A third of the year is almost gone. Depending on whether you’ve adhered to your New Year’s resolutions it’s either exiting or disappointing to face the rest of the year. If you’ve used the first three months to polish up on exactly what you will do in the remaining part of the year, good for you. If not get serious, though you’ve lost, you can get up and do what will matter most when you’ll be stock taking at the end of the year.

It’s time to reach out to potential partners who will help you reach your potential, it’s time to network with as many people as possible , draft your business plan, approach investors , finalize personal and business budgets. In summary, it’s time to make effort to place you in positions that will influence your success this year. And it’s no joke this can be a year of great reward if only you so desire to approach it with justice, shoulder high knowing you are the “father’s beloved” pleased to make you victorious.

Two quick stories of seeking approval/validation

Two quick stories, not too long ago, I had a friend across the *block where I reside who posted a photo of herself on a social media platform and asked her friends/fans to tell if “she’s beautiful or angry”. I’m not sure what her real reason for such a post but I didn’t take it lightly. Honestly speaking I didn’t understand why she decided to seek approval or disapproval of her own body, clothing and dignity. Well she does. That single post attracted tens of comments from her friends. Last week a friend since my campus days took to social media and posted a copy of her job offer and photos of the desk he was to occupy and asked his friends, “This is me at my new work station, what do you think of the offer and the station?” Hundreds of opinions within hours later and he finally took the job offer. What were his intentions? I’m still asking as you are.

Who and what we are and we are not?

Dear friends and readers, I know we’re always tempted to seek approval because we are most times obsessed with our ‘not enough-nesses. Despite this, the opinions we end up getting do not define us. They are not even closer to explaining who we are. Frankly speaking I know we all struggle at one point or another with our skin color, clothing we choose to put on or self-esteem. I can bet my two cents on this however, that our worth isn’t based on hundreds of ‘likes or dislikes’ on social media accounts that our thoughts and photos attract. The validity of our dreams and visions cannot be equated on the comments we receive from our employers, business partners, tutors, interviewers and friends. The validity of our dignity is not anchored on our outward appearance. In no way is our intelligence measured on the score cards we receive periodically. In no way can we claim authority in saying you’ll fail in future because you did times earlier

Let me give you a hint, because you have attended tens of interviews and never got that job doesn’t mean your qualifications are null and void. If you were diligent enough and honored yourself and God by presenting you the best you could, you can rest knowing that by not getting that job you’ll secure another one in future. If I approached an investor with a business plan and they sent me away since they did not see it as such profitable, I assure you if in my view I was honest enough then the business can take off when I start out on my own without fear.

Why we tend to seek approval and validation?

Most often we end up being slaves of seeking approval because of our own invented fears that do not exist. And so in our fears we want to be assured we look nice, are fashionable and our tastes are conforming to the societal standards. People constantly live with the want of being fit in the norm and the custom. They do not want to try and explore but all they want is a rubber stamp of their friends. Haven’t we seen guys who before they propose to their fiancé, they must ask about the beauty of their man or girl through a photo on twitter? Times it’s because our low self-esteem and other times it’s because we have been taught to belittle our instincts. We think we can never be right in anything we feel, see, taste and so we end up despising our own talents, abilities and dreams.

What we lose by seeking approval and validation?

We lose the picture of who we are through seeking a gate pass through other people. Thus we end up forsaking our real calling, our real dream and our real purpose in life. We end up fitting in the description of other people and not own description. Too bad we becoming copy cats, we become imitations and end up dishonoring God by not following his initial design about our life. In this regard, we build more fear when we don’t get opinions we hoped would uplift us. That’s where real danger lies in because we lose opportunities to become great through our uniqueness. And we inaudibly say loudly we are not better how we are and wished to be someone else.

What’s the way out?

Friends we must learn to value ourselves and not seek peoples’ excessive inputs on how we should live our life. After all it’s our life and our responsibility to live it the best we should when we are within acceptable limits. We are in control and we only shall stand on God’s judgment seat and give an account of how we have lived. As far as it depends on you, let your life be a reflection of your true self. Live it as if you were the only one whom you were consulting. It’s not everything that people say about us is really who we are. Most times it’s about themselves and their perceptions about life. Learn to filter what’s true and what’s not true about what is being said about you.

Remain positive about your thoughts and take care of your instincts because most often they do not lie. It’s we who lie to ourselves about whom we are and possess. The single best gift we could give to the world is to be the best of who we are. Strive always to be stronger than your fears and your hurts.  As I end I remind you that you are GOD’S BELOVED. Knowing God loves you, gives you the courage to face life with certainty that you will win, that you will be victorious. That even though you will fail, he’ll still love you unconditionally and help you get on your feet.

Conclusion

Have a reflective life. Remember to stay in touch with me at jeremiahwakamu@gmail.com or on Facebook Jeremiaho Wakamu to keep this discussion going. And again referrals though you social media network/connection and word of mouth is the best you can do for this blog.