Apologies to my girlfriends

I must confess in this post that the most hardest part of my writing is the beginning. Usually, I have ideas on what I will write but then I don’t know how to start. I mean, I know how I will articulate an idea but then how do you write first line so that the rest flow behind it. Well, here we are. Today I want to write this for all my girlfriends whom over the years I have interacted with and whom I will come across and interact with. I also write to sort of apologize to other ladies who found themselves in a similar fate to my girlfriends when they interact with men. I know you should be excited but you are not. Perhaps in your large bedroom you spend a quantitative amount of time weeping and asking God what happened that you don’t have me as the man of your dreams. You think about all the possible reasons why men went for your friends and leave you. Do you have strong body odor? No.  Am i not beautiful? Yes you are. But sleep evades you. You  twist and turn in bed. I will give you answers in a few minutes. Be patient with me and please don’t judge me.

Many of you, when we first met may be you thought your luck was almost. Having being Christians and whom I know you had waited patiently on the Lord I guess you saw it a perfect opportunity that may be God answered your prayers. Yes, a handsome, intelligent, humble and caring young man who loved the Lord. I know you’ve been a good woman from childhood. Your mother, raised Catholic, married into the protestant dad before crossing into a contemporary church once warned you that “God expect you to be pure, uncondescending, and respectful. And He’s the only one who shall get you a man”. I don’t condemn you, those words from your mum reinforced by you pastors teachings on sexuality did the magic of always keeping off men who did not fit the description of whom God would choose for you. After years of not even a wink from a man then I understand your position when we met a perhaps mistakenly winked to you and became too good. And therefore when I started to act with kindness and goodness then you had no doubt that the cat was in the bag. But wait. You waited for me to say more but did not. From one of the many conversations we’ve had together you need me say, ‘I love…’ or, but I said ‘God bless you and keep you’, or like am used to ‘may the Lord be gracious to you, may his face shine upon you and may he give you peace and comfort’ I know these may not be the most kind words to say when you wanted more from me. Or may be you expected me to ask, ‘Could you be the love of my life?’ but instead I asked, ‘Are you sure love the Lord seriously?’ After years of walking in purity, holiness and blamelessly in the world where sin is the order of the day especially when it comes to the issues of immorality then I deserve to say please forgive me.

What changed when we met and started thinking that, yea am the man? Is it because I gave you a push to your home or because I pulled a chair for you when I took you out for lunch. Am not sure but I highly suspect maybe its because I acted over careful and kind to you. Or maybe were you worried you would loose me. Did the fantasies about me go beyond your control? Let me now settle the debt. You are still my friend and still you are. I don’t hold any grudge. My imagination is you will find answer here and understand the point I will make.

Let me than in the first place I did not intend to make a move towards approaching you… trust me I had absolutely nothing for you sisters and if I had then I would not hesitate telling you. In some cases, I was indeed attracted to you but please I could not dare make the move without being ready for. Get me right at this point that I meant to care for you in my kindness. I had respect for you I did not dare hurt you. Had I known it would result into this I would be conscious and extra careful. I would dare not dare not hint nor suggest ‘I intended to love you’. I have the feeling I might have sent the wrong signals but I maintain they were misinterpreted. I meant nothing wrong. If by any chance I acted unwise then am sorry. If I was proud [only God knows] then I apologize. More so if was unkind then its my mistake and I regret. I did not fear loosing you and if I did then I lost you already. Be patient and don’t be ready to break the boundaries for men even when they do not want to be engaged. I was not investigating a character then when I found you did not have It I left. No I was meaning to make you better and instill what you lacked politely. The day I took you for lunch and dinner out, I hoped to see a smile on you face and maybe to share my life with you and in no way propose. My complements were meant to say you are smart and appreciate you for who you are motivate you to be good especially to your future husband. Why? why? Why did you mistake you?

I love you sisters. But as come to a close I also charge you to be wise. Don’t be so easily be attracted to men only to fall into trap while they meant nothing at all. Their goodness may only be short lived and maybe they are good to you because of to show concern to you. That’s part of a human being to care.

 A tear drop has just fallen my cheek so please allow me not to continue because It hurts to know that I might…